Doctor, What is it? A heart that beats too fast Haunted eyes, A mind still in the past Sleepless nights. I can no longer go home Banished. Doctor Why is it?
i always ask myself is it me or the world suffocating me? (meaning am I being sucked into the world's ideas or others or am I really that lost that I am making myself tremble ( is it truly me, the "alien", or am I just unaware of the influences trying to derail me?) So far it's been the world whenever I feel like that and each battle I win makes me stronger and more determined to keep following my own path. ( deaing with emotions, relationships, brain chemistry, physical fitness, and tying to be creative and feel alive and challengdand helping those less fortunate when I can .)
I am alwys inspired by your thought provoking words :)
i don't have any loved ones available so only my social worker and she tells me its ok to blog and to read blogs she doesn't have my blog link and i plan to keep it that way. but idk how to deal with anything except by reading and writing and art plus listening to music.
I can understand your questioning and the sadness it brings from thinking its all your fault.
What does not kill you makes you stronger. You are stronger than you give yourself credit and perhaps that strength will help you in whatever change you want to shape your life into. Even your words are strong and direct. I believe there are things we only have ourselves to blame, but its not an excuse to stop pursuing what you really want in life however the rest of the world tries to stop you.
Thank you all for answering. You know I am grateful to have people in my life who support me and believe in me. But on the other hand, I sometimes don't feel understood enough to be comfortable. I don't doubt myself as much as i question my relationships with people. Is it wrong to want something different? Is it wrong to be someone different? And you're all right, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I see it in myself. I also use reading and writing as a way to live with myself in peace. And Rivercat, all those things you listed I can talk for myself too. I don't know for sure that its others who make me feel this way, or maybe its just me in this world I've erased the word "happy" from my vocabulary until I am able to define it for myself.
Nice poem.. Regarding the question, I think we all have to be courageous and that we have survived means we have shown courage and are capable of great courage during adversity. I think we have sometimes got to make certain decisions which are the harder decisions. The road ahead is a lonely one but sometimes you just have to be courageous. There comes a time when courage becomes a habit, an attitude you can switch on whenever you like, and nothing can cut you or destroy you.
For your question I understand you as I am making choices for the past year that my closed ones don't understand and don't accept really well. I felt breathless for a long time, tortured between what I wanted for me and what others wanted for me. I came to the point This is your life and everything you wish can happen. These challenges help you become stronger and with time you'll be so sure of these choices others will have to accept or to move away.
You are not to blame - I have done this for years, feeling guilty I ruined others Life. At the end the world around won't change and you will have waste your time trying to make others happy.
Be Strong and Live your Life to the fullest. And Enjoy every minute of it!!
What do you do when you feel like you're suffocating where you are, yet you're the only one to blame?
I could not sum up my life any better than this at the ripe old age of 48. I do what I am now doing. I open my mouth. I speak my truth with respect. I open the window and shout this is who I am. I wait to see who stays, and who goes. What else is there to do, but life transparent? I've too long been opaque.
its a lonely journey, how true.... I got use to being alone, its a much better alternative to people who have grandeur dream for you that aren't an option. And being "opaque" isn't one either I plan on enjoying it to the most, i've already begun! I thought the transitioning was the hardest part, yet it doesn't get easy, but I write to you guys, and you fix me all up :)
From what you have read from my own blog you might understand that the biggest change/ journey I need to make is my spirituality. I no longer believe the same things that my family believe and that's a serious thing for the people in my family- to go against what they believe.
Also putting boundaries in place with my family and friends, something that I have never done before. And now that I have finally started doing it for my own wellbeing, I can't say the reaction has been all that great! :)
i always ask myself is it me or the world suffocating me? (meaning am I being sucked into the world's ideas or others or am I really that lost that I am making myself tremble ( is it truly me, the "alien", or am I just unaware of the influences trying to derail me?)
RépondreSupprimerSo far it's been the world whenever I feel like that and each battle I win makes me stronger and more determined to keep following my own path.
( deaing with emotions, relationships, brain chemistry, physical fitness, and tying to be creative and feel alive and challengdand helping those less fortunate when I can .)
I am alwys inspired by your thought provoking words :)
i don't have any loved ones available so only my social worker and she tells me its ok to blog and to read blogs she doesn't have my blog link and i plan to keep it that way. but idk how to deal with anything except by reading and writing and art plus listening to music.
RépondreSupprimerI can understand your questioning and the sadness it brings from thinking its all your fault.
What does not kill you makes you stronger.
RépondreSupprimerYou are stronger than you give yourself credit and perhaps that strength will help you in whatever change you want to shape your life into.
Even your words are strong and direct. I believe there are things we only have ourselves to blame, but its not an excuse to stop pursuing what you really want in life however the rest of the world tries to stop you.
Thank you all for answering.
RépondreSupprimerYou know I am grateful to have people in my life who support me and believe in me. But on the other hand, I sometimes don't feel understood enough to be comfortable. I don't doubt myself as much as i question my relationships with people. Is it wrong to want something different? Is it wrong to be someone different?
And you're all right, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I see it in myself. I also use reading and writing as a way to live with myself in peace. And Rivercat, all those things you listed I can talk for myself too. I don't know for sure that its others who make me feel this way, or maybe its just me in this world
I've erased the word "happy" from my vocabulary until I am able to define it for myself.
Nice poem.. Regarding the question, I think we all have to be courageous and that we have survived means we have shown courage and are capable of great courage during adversity.
RépondreSupprimerI think we have sometimes got to make certain decisions which are the harder decisions. The road ahead is a lonely one but sometimes you just have to be courageous. There comes a time when courage becomes a habit, an attitude you can switch on whenever you like, and nothing can cut you or destroy you.
Your poem is beautiful. Well done.
RépondreSupprimerFor your question I understand you as I am making choices for the past year that my closed ones don't understand and don't accept really well. I felt breathless for a long time, tortured between what I wanted for me and what others wanted for me.
I came to the point This is your life and everything you wish can happen. These challenges help you become stronger and with time you'll be so sure of these choices others will have to accept or to move away.
You are not to blame - I have done this for years, feeling guilty I ruined others Life. At the end the world around won't change and you will have waste your time trying to make others happy.
Be Strong and Live your Life to the fullest. And Enjoy every minute of it!!
What do you do when you feel like you're suffocating where you are, yet you're the only one to blame?
RépondreSupprimerI could not sum up my life any better than this at the ripe old age of 48. I do what I am now doing. I open my mouth. I speak my truth with respect. I open the window and shout this is who I am. I wait to see who stays, and who goes. What else is there to do, but life transparent? I've too long been opaque.
its a lonely journey, how true....
RépondreSupprimerI got use to being alone, its a much better alternative to people who have grandeur dream for you that aren't an option. And being "opaque" isn't one either
I plan on enjoying it to the most, i've already begun! I thought the transitioning was the hardest part, yet it doesn't get easy, but I write to you guys, and you fix me all up :)
From what you have read from my own blog you might understand that the biggest change/ journey I need to make is my spirituality. I no longer believe the same things that my family believe and that's a serious thing for the people in my family- to go against what they believe.
RépondreSupprimerAlso putting boundaries in place with my family and friends, something that I have never done before. And now that I have finally started doing it for my own wellbeing, I can't say the reaction has been all that great! :)
well its a similar issue for me too, and because i grew up in tight communities, its harder than it appears, but its a learning process
RépondreSupprimer